I never enjoy anything.
I’m always waiting for whatever’s next.
I think everyone’s like that…
living life in fast forward
never stopping to enjoy the moment
too busy turn to rush through everything
so we can get on what we’re really supposed to be doing with our lives.
I get these flashes of clarity, brilliant clarity,
where, for a second I stop and I think,
wait, this is it, this is my life.
I better slow down and enjoy it
because one day we’re all gonna end up in the ground
and that will be it, we’ll be gone.
– Samantha (Stuck in Love)
Now one of my most favourite movies, it is so beautifully written and has this honesty to life that takes my breath away. Another line that struck my very core was when Greg Kinnear’s character says to his son:
Rusty, a writer is the sum of their experiences.
Go get some…
And that is when I had my brilliant moment of clarity, I am taking a second to stop and think. I need to take my leap and live this short existence I have on this earth. I am letting go of fear, and just going to…enjoy life. No regrets, right. Maybe then I will find my literary voice more clearly.
It is a constant in my life, I can be staring into nothing and be swept away by this flow of thought and understanding to what is beautiful and worthwhile in this life, but when I try to focus fully on that source of inspiration and clarity, it becomes a faint whisper that loses itself in the unfocused world that I live in. I have so much in me that I know is worth showing to the world. But my biggest enemy is the fear of rejection and judgement when taking that leap to experience the highs and lows of life. But I know that it is these highs and lows that shape us as writers, in a positive way.
So I need to jump off this high fence I am on right now. In the precipice of something great and unknown on one side, and the comforts of the life I am living on the other. And no one puts this better than the inspirational John Green in his wonderful novel Looking for Alaska:
Before I got here, I thought that the way out of the labyrinth was to pretend that it didn’t exist, to build a small, self-sufficient world in the back corner of the endless maze and to pretend that I was not lost, but home. But that only led to a lonely life accompanied by the last words of the already dead, so I came here looking for a Great Perhaps, for real friends and a more-than-minor life.