There are people who forget what it’s like to be 16 when they turn 17; I know these will all be stories someday, and our pictures will become old photographs. We’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad.
But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening, I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite.
Charlie – The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I had decided that when I started this page I was going to post every Monday, last week was a massive FAIL as I did not feel inspired. I had been cooped up in my flat all week and had no form of inspiration. It was also snowing, and I could have talked about the hilarity of how everything in England goes to a stand-still after a little snow. I find it really funny that a city such as London, which is vast and modern, is incapable of adjusting to a little snow. However, having said this I can appreciate the perks of a little snow. I remember when I was in school; waking up to the sight of snow and being so happy because I knew it meant no school. When I see all the kids playing in the snow it makes me want to be 11 again. But apart from the snow, my week was very uneventful and left my creativity stifled.
I am still unsure on what exactly it is I wish to post on this page but I guess I’m just going to go with the flow and see where my thoughts wish to take me. I have been really unwell in the last couple of days and spent most of my Saturday in bed. As I lay there feeling sorry for myself ‘Happy’ by Leona Lewis came on and I started to think of what makes a person truly happy; wealth, success, popularity, love? I then started to try and find if I had any of these in my own life, I realised that I have not achieved any of these goals yet. However, right now in my life I’m content, I am coping with the trials and tribulations of life but then you do most of your life. I would love to meet the man or woman who proclaims to be the happiest person alive; I would love to know what their secret is.
Anyway, when you are ill you are left with so much time that all you can really do is think, and I started to see that I am not happy because of my self-image. I am allowing things and people around me to dictate my happiness! This revelation made me mad, it made me mad that a person’s attitude could turn my smile into a frown, that I have this need to make everyone around me happy but yet I do not return the favour to myself. I am full of self-doubt. The reinforcement of these doubts are by the people I encounter, and prevents me from finding true happiness. This realisation was prompted when I watched Silver Lining Playbook with Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence. Bradley Cooper’s character says a line which has stayed with me, “You have to do everything you can and if you stay positive you have a shot at a silver lining.” What is a Silver Lining? I don’t think Bradley’s character Pat realises the true meaning of this philosophy until the end of the movie. He has an optimistic aim of getting back with his cheating wife throughout the movie; this is driven by the human necessity of staying with the familiar. But only when Pat opened himself to the unfamiliar, the character Tiffany, did he truly find his silver lining: “The only way to beat my crazy was by doing something even crazier. Thank you. I love you. I knew it from the moment I saw you. I’m sorry it took me so long to catch up.”
This taught me that life is about risks, about reaching out for the opportunities life puts in front of you and grabbing them with both hand. So far I have done the best I can, and even though I have always let them slip through my fingers, I can at least say that I have taken a risk and taken the plunge. I guess I’m just going to have to wait for someone to catch me. I think in the end the philosophy behind true happiness is reached through your state of mind. The will to see the positive in everything, being grateful for everything you have and striving to achieve. If you can have someone to share this with then this is an additional bonus that creates the silver lining in your life. I guess like Pat, I’m going to stay positive and wait for life to present me with something that is worth plunging into the unknown for.
The beginning of things, always feels like going to down the rabbit hole. What you might encounter through the journey can be chaotic and unexpected, it is a mirror to life; you don’t know what you will discovery at the end of it. Like in Lewis Carroll’s novel this first post is the beginning of my adventure, where it will take me, I don’t know. All I know is that like Alice I am beginning to ponder my interaction with the world and people around me, and testing them looking for the meaning of everything.
At 21 I feel like I am finally going down the rabbit hole in search of wonderland and my journey to adulthood has begun; my looking-glass has changed and I find myself thinking of the most curious of things and wanting to write them down; and I believe I have found my outlet. Here I plan to write the ‘Curiouser and curiouser’ things in life and see in which side of Wonderland I land.